To perform in your team, you need self-confidence. You have to believe in yourself — but you also need self-compassion. Many people think they have to take a hard line with themselves in order to perform. They have to punish themselves if they don’t do things well enough. That doesn’t work at all.
Trust is one of the most important factors in a team succeeding (F. Erdem, 2003). It requires you to trust each other on a fundamental, emotional level. You have to reach a point where you can be completely honest and open with each other. No filters. So what can you do to take the first step?
Trusting yourself matters
Part of what makes you perform well in a team is not being too self-critical. If you constantly question whether your thoughts and ideas are of use to the team, your input will never make it past your vocal cords. The team can’t use someone who’s too hard on themselves. You have to trust that you’ve got something to contribute.
You fail not because the demands you put on yourself are too low, but because they’re too high and too self-critical. Our level of narcissism has never been higher than it is today (S. Dingfelder, 2011). The downside is that if we constantly keep watch on ourselves, we become too hard, and end up censoring what could have been of use to the team. So drop the idea that you mustn’t make mistakes.
The team can’t use someone who’s too hard on themselves. You have to trust that you’ve got something to contribute.
Build compassion for yourself
Research shows you do far better when you have compassion for yourself (J. Breines, 2012). Compassion for yourself means treating yourself the way you treat a really good friend — a friendship where you positively spur on each other’s high standards without any need for constant criticism, punishment and reward.
I was once about to be interviewed on a morning TV show, and the stylist asked me what I did. “I’m a speaker,” I said, at which she exclaimed: “I’d never dare do that. I wouldn’t know what to say.” To which I replied: “I’d be terrified of standing on a stage for two hours too, if I didn’t know what to say.” She understood what I meant, and we both laughed.
Compassion for yourself means treating yourself the way you treat a really good friend.
Trust that you’ve got plenty of important things to contribute, put them on the table, and cut yourself some slack. That way you and your team will get even further.
Sources and more inspiration
The Relationship Between Trust and Team Performance
F. Erdem, J. Ozen & N. Atsan, 2003, International Journal of Productivity and Performance Management
S. Dingfelder, 2011, American Psychological Association
R. Baumeister, J. Campbell, J. Krueger, K. Vohs, 2003, Association for Psychological Science
Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation
J. Breines, S. Chen, 2012, Society for Personality and Social Psychology
Interview on a Danish morning TV show
TV 2
