It can happen to any of us, and we’ve all been in situations where we’ve been yelled at. It might be another driver, a colleague or a customer who is clearly overreacting. Even though we know the idiot is drawing their frustrations and their anger from somewhere else entirely, it’s only natural to feel upset. We can either hope it doesn’t happen too often, or we can decide how we want to react next time. Handle the conflict well, and you’ll also be more conflict-ready.
If someone else is behaving like an idiot, and you’re not in the mood for a big confrontation over the photocopier, then use this “reaction option”:
Step back with the thought: “Even though you’re the one yelling at me, I know you’ll still be annoyed and frustrated by the time I’m happy again. And that thought just makes me want to get happy again as fast as possible.”
Have compassion for the other person, and be grateful that you’re able to handle the situation, even when they’re behaving unreasonably — because the coward always dies a thousand deaths! People who overreact don’t take responsibility for their feelings. They keep looking back, and so they relive the moment when they felt they were treated unfairly.
Because they could also choose to look forward with the thought: “I’ve been treated unfairly! So what do I need to do to stop it happening again?” But they don’t, and so they die a little every time the thought pops up, which leaves them frustrated.
If you currently go around sulking for a couple of hours after being yelled at, this tool will let you boil it down to a couple of minutes. And after plenty of practice, it should take you just a few seconds to get back on top.
So now there’s nothing left to do but look forward to getting started!
/Martin
– Thank goodness it’s almost Monday!
– Thank goodness it’s almost Monday!
